1 Date Blake

September 17, 2008

After 1 date:

Hmm, well that’s all well and disappointing. Oh well, nothing I can do about chemistry. Apparently I thought it was there, I should have tapped more into my enigmatic jerk side, that one usually works more
in my favor. Live and learn. It was fun. And my kisses are pretty great. That one was the most basic I have. You should see the luxery set. You blew it. [:-l

Blake

Subject: Please Read

September 17, 2008

i realized during the night last night that im scared of a lot of stuff for some reason. im scared of any relationship because at 19, i still dont know what i want out of anything. i dont know what i caould give you or what i want from you and it scares me that i would be someone who was expoloring as i go along. im so sorry about what happened and i wish i could talk to you. sorry i fucked up. please let me talk to you at somepoint, regardless of how anythinig turns out.

Later that day…

im sorry for what happened last night. im not asking you to forgive me for it or even to try to forget any of it. i pursued you for the past week and tried to get you to give me a chance and then when you decided that you might give me that chance, i pulled away. i did betray you. i did toy with you. i did lie to you. and im sorry. that is all i can say about that.

i want to talk to you about all this. i dont want to explain anything ive done, but only honestly tell you everything in my head. if there is a time in the future, maybe this week or maybe next year, when we could talk about all this, let me know and i will be there. i have things i need to tell you and questions i need to ask you. please let me talk to you at some point.

im sorry.

Shit, D

September 17, 2008

Okay, I’m not going to act any different to you – seeing that I don’t really know what the problem is anyways. But the awkward feeling between us a couple of minutes ago kind of says that you have something you want to say to me. So if you don’t even want to talk anymore, tell me, but if not, then let’s not pretend like nothing’s wrong. I’m confused, that’s all.

1 month later

Okay, what did I do to make you so pissed off at me? You wouldn’t talk to me on the street and you won’t talk to me now, that’s rediculous. I don’t want to leave on a bad note beause I think you’re pretty cool, but if you do, then that’s what’s going to happen I guess. I just hate this open-ended shit. Can we talk to you before you leave? If not, then that’s a bummer, but I’m goin to bed, and I think you’re leaving tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll talk to you soon…

20 minutes later

okay then. I guess that’s that – but just know how awful I feel and how much I would like to say I’m sorry, but I know that I can’t do anything to fix this…I’m not trying to say that I didn’t say anything, but blitz takes everything out of context…Shit D, I really fucked up this time, I wish that sometime in the future you can forgive me for being immateur like that…I’m so sorry for being such an asshole. I seriously say it when I mean that I’m gonna miss you

“Dually Noted”

September 17, 2008

After 3 dates:

Good morning.

The waning moments of our time together on Saturday was frustrating and a bit frazzled.  After treating you to a fabulous dinner, and more importantly an introduction to another dear friend, the evening took an unexpected turn.  Your actions and temperament changed in a quick 0 to 60 type time frame.  That being stated, your thoughts and actions (dropping my coat to the street) were dually noted.  It is unfortunate that you chose to express these rooted concerns in this manner, but certain things come to light after multiple cocktails.

There certainly are clandestine reasons why I chose to spend my ever precious free time with you over the past few weeks.  You have a lot to offer an individual, but with in time.  As a friend, and someone who sincerely cares for your well being, I would suggest cultivating yourself before you embark on developing any type of future relationship/friendship.  We have all been in your situation before.  You are showing healthy strides in moving on, hence the time you spent with me, but the void that is left from Chris is not something another man or thing will be able to fill.  This void can only be filled with you; technically your mind, body, and soul.  The soul is too many times neglected, and is an integral part of a well rounded, happy and stable, individual.  Once a person is well rounded in these areas they will be able to love and receive love from another.  For example, I do not tout myself as the perfect Christian, but I went to church yesterday and was filled with a tranquility and confidence that I can only get at one place.  This works for me, you might have a different path (I have attached one of my favorite poems that I think brings this eloquently to light).

Surround yourself with the people who truly love you (I am a fan of your father via our conversations).  Be cautious of people who are out to use and manipulate you.  Your judgment should be able to prevail in these matters.  Also, remember that life is not a sprint, all things will work out in due time.

I wish you success and happiness.  Go get what you deserve.

(Attached: Frost’s “A Road Not Taken”)