EUI (Emailing Under the Influence)

October 9, 2008

A necessary ingredient for any good Morning After E-mail is booze. Yes, cold hard LIQUOR. And usually a lot of it. But with this new innovation from Google Labs, those geeks in Mountain View, California might actually prevent you from sending that late night email…and save your reputation.

Google Labs tries to take down Just Been Dumped, one drunk email at a time.

Google Labs tries to take down Just Been Dumped, one drunk email at a time.


It’s called Mail Goggles.  The new feature checks to make sure you’re not too drunk to send an email by asking you to do some “simple” math problems in 60 seconds or less. Once it’s installed, you can adjust the time and days of the week that Mail Goggles is active, as well as the difficulty of the math problems. If you get all of the questions right, then you’re free to send emails all night long. If you get any of the questions wrong, it suggests that you drink some water, go to bed, or try again. Until you answer all of the questions correctly, you’re prevented from sending that provocative email where you refer to your ex as a stupid dirty prostitute who should go back to her home on Whore Island.

First of all, can we just point out that while these problems might be “simple math” for a Google engineer, they take a little bit longer for us mere mortals, even when we’re sober! We at JustBeenDumped think of ourselves as relatively intelligent individuals, yet it still took us a full 42 seconds to answer all five problems on difficulty level 1. Thanks, Google, for reminding us why we were liberal arts majors and still babysitting on that occasional Saturday night in our twenties.  (Then again, it was wine night at the JustBeenDumped headquarters…our mathematical abilities aren’t operating at usual warp speed…and no, we’re not drinking because anyone got dumped).

So if that e-mail you’ve been devising since last call can’t loiter in your draft box, well all you need is a designated emailer.  Try a roommate, or a bartender who blackberries.  And there’s always old reliable, a calculator.  We recommend a T1.  The screen is bigger for those really trashed. Then, feel free to email to your heart’s delight. In our opinion, the best emails come after fifteen a few drinks.

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