“I don’t believe i’m supposed to be a blowup doll either.”

August 19, 2009

“Jessica” and “Tony” started dating in high school, after Tony broke up with Jessica’s best friend. During their senior year, they started having problems, mostly because Tony didn’t want to stay with Jessica if they went to different schools. As their acceptance letters came trickling in, Jessica received several emails from Tony, which included the following inconsistent messages:

“… I think we should take a break. You see, i’ll be going to college and i think we can find more compatible people there for us. Besides, i think keeping a relationship is too difficult, since I’ll be at MIT…”

“…ok, well i didn’t get into MIT. But i did get into Cal Tech and Rice. And i think that you being in Austin and me being in Houston, possibly, is just too much work. And i really don’t want to do it…”

“…OK, so i’m going to the same school you’re going to. I’d love to make this work. I love you so much. We’re perfect together…”

Yet after all of his promises, Tony broke it off before they left for college. Here is Jessica’s reaction to the end of their relationship:

Dear Tony,

I understand why you feel that we had the perfect relationship. You were smart, funny, and understanding. Were is the key word here. Truthfully, you’re nothing more than an obnoxious pig. See, here’s what bothers, me. You tell me to change myself for you. Change what i say, what i do, even how i look. But the truth is, you have a tiny penis and you never gave me one orgasm. I guess your idea of solving this problem was that I should give you a blowjob before we have sex so you could be satisfied and therefore worry less about satisfaction. How considerate of you. I’m so glad i was with you. See, without you, I thought you were god. I thought you were so much smarter than me. Turns out, you’re only as smart because of everyone around you. I’ve never seen someone who took advantage of so many people around them. But it’s ok. They’re there for you, as I once was. You see, every now and then, I get a little tired of trying to help you and having you tell me that you’re just fine on your own. and then you screw up. and then i’m left to make you feel better about being the piece of shit that you really are. But it’s ok dear. I still love you. As much as you loved me. As much as you loved how i was able to change for you and how when you said Jump, i said “how high?”. I do believe i owe you something. I owe you a lot actually for making me stronger. See, when you told me that i wasn’t thin enough for you, then, i decided that you weren’t man enough for me. I tried to make you a better person, for your own good. you tried to make me your bimbo. Now, i know better than to take the word of someone who started this relationship “loving the fact that {you} could be whatever i wanted.” I don’t believe i’m supposed to be a blowup doll either. But that’s what sex between us was like. Silent and pervy. Silent because you were too busy thinking about your dick. Pervy because the only sounds you made were the heavy breathing sounds. Oh, and thanks for never warning me. I love you too. I’m so glad you had so much faith in our relationship the entire way there. I’m so glad you told me, two months in that you would always love my best friend and that she was so attractive to you. I’m so glad that you told me ten months later that you were only trying to be dramatic so you could cause a scene. Oh, And about tomorrow’s date… WHATEVER FUCKING FLOATS YOUR BOAT. oops. you told me not to say that didn’t you. Asshole.



P.S. I fucked him and i liked it so much better than i liked fucking you.


One Response to ““I don’t believe i’m supposed to be a blowup doll either.””

  1. BLOTUS said

    “‘See, here’s what bothers, me.’ I don’t know how to use commas at all.”

    Yeah that’s right, out of this entire post, the comma was what unnerved me the most.

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