After Katy dumped him, Russell was beside himself with regret over not having been a more manly boyfriend to her.  The breakup inspired him to do a bit of soul searching, which led him to type up this letter to Katy.  We assume he slept on it, woke up angry and hurriedly finished it, unedited, before pressing send.  His letter, quite impressively, appears to include all the post-breakup stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance…and then anger again.

Dear Katy,

I just finished reading the book men are from Mars and women are from Venus and I am writing this letter to you in order to express some thoughts and feelings. I get angry you are so unhappy with my personality quirks. It feels like nothing I do is enough to make you happy. I am trying to be more assertive and less clingy and needy with you. It saddens me that my lack of confidence ruined our relationship and that you are not happy with me. I really want you to be happy and I fear sometimes that I will push you away by being me, when all I want is to be by your side. I am most afraid that I am not good enough for you and that I can’t make you happy. I’m sorry I lacked the courage to express my feelings and didn’t listen to your warning when you told me you wanted me to be more assertive and less clingy and needy. I’ve always been afraid to take charge and everyone has told me this including yourself. You have given me on more than one occasion the talk about my potential and how I need to use it. The truth of the matter is that I am afraid of failing, I hate trying my best and the realizing my best wasn’t good enough.

I live with so much regret, but one of the biggest regrets is taking you for granted, believing you would be with me even if I refused to be assertive, clingy and needy. I am truly sorry for being such a jerk and opening my mouth without thinking. I am sorry for not being more assertive and being the man when you were scared and needed me to take charge. In hindsight, I should’ve listened to your fears, reassured you that everything will be fine and that you will do an excellent job.  Katy, I love you so very much, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I want you to be happy, I understand you want space to sort out your personal things. I guess I am guilty of not knowing what to do and hiding in my personal cave hoping. I know you told me in the beginning you have baggage and you are not “touchy feeling” person. I realise that you don’t want to be my girl friend and even when I am assertive and not clingy or needy there is a very slim chance you will take me back.

I have accepted this and I have also tried very hard to avoid having ex sex with you because I love you too much and seeing you makes me hurt all over. You used to call every night and recently you have stopped calling and texting after you got drunk the last time we were together and told me you wanted sex. I honestly think you don’t know what you want becasue one minute you say you want space then another you’re all ovr me looking for reasons to stay with me. I know this letter will never reach you and this is really more for me to finally get down on paper what I am feeling. I will always love you and I remember one thing I told you from a movie I once saw “I want you to be happy in life with or with out me, you deserve the best and I wish you well”. But evena s I write this letter and tears are flowing from my eyes I after I hit the send button and delete all the pictures I hold no rancor nor do I wish to see you again. All I wish is to bid you adieu ma belle.

J’t’ame, Russell