Backstory:  “Heidi” had been seeing “Spencer” off and on for the past year and a half.   One night they got into a huge fight and broke up. To scare Heidi, Spencer lied and told her that he had HIV. Heidi freaked out and made an appointment to get tested right away, but that night she couldn’t sleep at all.  To make matters worse, Spencer and Heidi work together. The next day, they had the following gchat at the office…

9:03:37 AM Spencer: DUDE YOU LEFT SOME GNARLY MESSAGES

9:03:39 AM Spencer: LOL

9:03:42 AM Spencer: ITS ALL GOOD

9:03:47 AM Spencer: I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

9:07:07 AM Heidi: what part of dont talk to me dont you understand

9:07:19 AM Spencer: HAHAHA PAY BACKS A MOTHER

9:07:22 AM Spencer: NYAH

9:07:28 AM Spencer: I OWN U SHAWTY

9:07:42 AM Heidi: pay backs grow up your not a chils remember

9:07:49 AM Spencer: YOUR BROKE

9:07:56 AM Heidi: own you dont own nothing

9:07:58 AM Spencer: AND WILL STAY THAT WAY UNLESS YOU COME CORRECT

9:08:30 AM Heidi: unless i come correct ? whats that spose to mean WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME HONESTLY

9:09:06 AM Spencer: NADA

9:09:18 AM Spencer:  ACT LIKE A CHILD AND RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

9:09:24 AM Spencer:  DONT CALL ME WITH BS

9:09:28 AM Spencer:  DONT MAKE JOKES

9:09:32 AM Spencer:  ACT RIGHT OR GET LOST

9:09:43 AM Heidi: act right where was i in the wrong

9:12:16 AM Heidi: you were wrong last not not me and you owe me an apology you have to give respect to get it spence

9:13:03 AM Spencer: HELL NAW I DONT

9:13:14 AM Spencer:  I TOOK YOU IN CUZ YOU WHERE YOUNG DUMB AND CLUELESS

9:13:18 AM Spencer:  I GAVE YOU TOOLS

9:13:44 AM :: Spencer is away ::

9:16:50 AM Heidi: you gave me NOTHING spence and you didnt take me in

9:18:44 AM Heidi: the only thing you showed me is how hateful people and really be no matter how much you do for them and how good there are to you i was always there for you and i never judged you and you true colors now show you are un gratful cold person who will never be happy and im sorry i hope for nothing but the best for you have a great life

9:30:17 AM :: Spencer is available ::

9:30:40 AM Spencer: umkay children

9:30:47 AM Spencer: thank you for your dissertation

9:30:56 AM Spencer: glad you learned something in college

Yeah, it keeps going. And it gets much, much worse. Read the rest of this entry »

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Remember 1-Date Blake? The sometimes “enigmatic jerk” with the “luxery set” of kisses? Well, even if you don’t, the recipient of his email sure does. So she was more than a little surprised to have the following online conversation with him a few months after she “blew it:”

1DateBlake:Hii hello
Melissa0205:hi
LuxeryBlake:How are you?
Melissa0205:good you?
1DateBlake:doing fine, being a monkey at workw
1DateBlake:What’s news in your world?
Melissa0205:I’m thinking you don’t remember that we’ve already
met. I actually have a great email from you: Hmm, well that’s all well
and disappointing. Oh well, nothing I can do about chemistry.
Apparently I thought it was there, I should have tapped more into my
enigmatic jerk side, that one usually works more in my favor. Live and
learn. It was fun. And my kisses are pretty great. That one was the
most basic I have. You should see the luxery set. You blew it. [:-l
Blake
Melissa0205:haha, i’m not trying to be an ass, it just seems
super funny to me
Melissa0205:haha 🙂
1DateBlake:ohhhhhhhh hyeaaah
Melissa0205:hahahahahaha
1DateBlake:forgetful forgetful me
Melissa0205:i’m laughing out loud
1DateBlake:heheh, it is pretty fun
1DateBlake:the mind remembers what the mind wants.
Melissa0205:fantastically awkard/funny
Melissa0205:nice
Melissa0205:haha
1DateBlake:If I cared more, i would be blushing right now 🙂
Melissa0205:of course you wouldn’t care, “I blew it” 🙂
Melissa0205:bye blake 🙂
1DateBlake:byeeeeee

Yeah, yeah, we know. It’s been a while since our last post. We blame spring time. You know, the temperatures are rising, love is in the air, and it’s so much easier to make out on the street when you’re not wearing a parka. But no more! We at JustBeenDumped refuse to let a little thing like other people’s happiness get in the way of your amusement! We’ve searched the Internet and found a whole new batch of break up emails that are better than ever. And remember, you can always submit your own Email From The Morning After by sending it to justbeendumpedblog@gmail.com. It’s easy, anonymous, and virtually pain-free. Which is a lot better than most things you get the morning after.

Backstory: Maria and Tony had been dating for about 6 months when Maria started to feel like something was wrong. Tony stopped returning Maria’s phone calls and ignoring her emails. So Maria sought out Tony where she knew he could not hide — on Myspace.

Tony,

Hey what’s up with you? Are you dumping me or what? It might be nice if you actually tried to let me know?

Maria

Three days later…

maria,

sorry i just been haveing some untainted meditation… just been haveing doubts in our relationship and i been needing some time to reflect and as you read you are prob. thinking that i should have let u know bout my meditation……but i didnt i just dont know if i do want to be with you

tony

Eight hours later…

tony,

thats all i wanted to know. but the fact that you can’t have the balls to say it to my face is what bothers me. im always straight up with you. whatever i wont bother you anymore. i wont call you or message you or anything. but i NEED to know if this is the end so i can move on with my life. its your choice. i tried and i tried. in your meditation ask your self if you did.

maria

Two days later…

maria,

when is you gonna get it through yo head…this has nothing to do with balls…at first i didnt want to talk to you ..then i was like man do i want to be with her..now i wake and think that i really dont so yeah i guess this makes it official. sorry it had to end like this but it just had to.
um…but yeah hope we could still be cool

tony

“Blossomed Like a Rose”

October 29, 2008

Backstory: “Serena” and “Dan” were high school sweethearts. When high school ended, they went away to different colleges. Yet Serena continued to receive daily phone calls from Dan, saying he still loved her. Over winter break, he professed his love in person and expressed his desire that they be together, despite the distance. Serena agreed, and spent the next several months at school staying in and emailing or calling Dan as much as she could. Then, out of the blue, Serena received this email from someone named “Vanessa,” who had never met:

Dear Serena,

I know you don’t know me, or at least not as much as I know you. My name is Vanessa and I am Dan’s new girlfriend. Dan has told me so much about you, and I truly feel that you are the type of girl that I would like to get to know and be friends with. While you probably will not be feeling this same way about me when you read this, I hope that in time we can get to know each other and be friends.

Over the last 4 months, while I have been going out with Dan, he has grown so much as a person. Indeed he has blossomed like a rose. I know you mean so much to him because he talks about you all the time. However you should know that I mean a lot to him too. Dan has room in his heart for both of us right now, but everyday he and I are growing closer and that’s not going to stop. It’s time that you accepted the fact that your relationship with him has withered. Dan wants to be with me now, and you should move on.

I hope you will not take this letter the wrong way, I mean the best for you and for Dan.

Take care,

Vanessa

Happy Anniversary

October 18, 2008

Backstory: The recipient and writer of this email dated for over five years. After almost a year straight of fighting, they broke up in January, tried to stay friends throughout the spring, but ultimately stopped talking by the summer. This email came in late August, a few weeks after what would have been their sixth anniversary:

I hope that you are happy with what you have done. I never thought that it would come to this especially because of the nature of the break up. However, after starting more than half a dozen conversations and trying to talk with you several times over the first few months, I/we got nowhere. So I decided to let you have whatever space you needed and come talk to me when you were ready.

Even though we had decided that we couldn’t really be friends and hang out or talk like friends do, I was meant to understand that at least the lines of communication would still be open for whatever reason be it casual or emergency. Ignoring everything that has happened since May, I figured that I would have at least gotten a “Hi, how are you?” or something like that by what would have been our 6 year anniversary.

When nothing came I decided against my better judgment to call you before it got too late (sometime around 10pm). Now, since you had spent roughly 1/4 of your life with me, and I spent roughly 1/5 of mine with you, I never thought that you would go so far as to not even give me the respect of a return phone call. Because of this fact I feel that my hand has been forced. I reluctantly have decided to make a committed effort to forget you altogether.

After this email I plan on removing your screen name and emails and such from anywhere that I may have them. You need not bother trying to contact me across any medium. I simply will not respond. From this day forward we are complete strangers. Good luck. I know that you will do well monetarily.

A Slippery Ski Slope

October 14, 2008

Backstory: “Aaron” and “Beth” had been dating for over a year, and were very happy together. But then Aaron slept with “Carrie.” And Carrie knew about Beth. Carrie’s email to Aaron, after he left for an impromptu ski trip:

i’m sorry. i’m sorry for everything that happened. i know that you said that you don’t regret it, but if i could just erase the last week, then i would. i just couldn’t take constantly being given the third degree from everyone i know. and i couldn’t handle feeling as guilty as i do, and knowing how deeply i’ve wronged someone that i’ve barely even met. so i’m sorry about it all. i just wanted you to know that.

and for what it’s worth, i don’t think that you are a bad person. i think that you have a lot of things to figure out, and that we both made a big mistake. what matters most now is how you deal with it.

anyway, you don’t have to respond to this – i’m not sure that there’s anything left to say. and i won’t bother you anymore. i really hope that you and beth are able to work things out, and i wish you nothing but the best. have a good time skiing.

carrie

Aaron’s response, after the jump.

1 Date Blake

September 17, 2008

After 1 date:

Hmm, well that’s all well and disappointing. Oh well, nothing I can do about chemistry. Apparently I thought it was there, I should have tapped more into my enigmatic jerk side, that one usually works more
in my favor. Live and learn. It was fun. And my kisses are pretty great. That one was the most basic I have. You should see the luxery set. You blew it. [:-l

Blake

“Dually Noted”

September 17, 2008

After 3 dates:

Good morning.

The waning moments of our time together on Saturday was frustrating and a bit frazzled.  After treating you to a fabulous dinner, and more importantly an introduction to another dear friend, the evening took an unexpected turn.  Your actions and temperament changed in a quick 0 to 60 type time frame.  That being stated, your thoughts and actions (dropping my coat to the street) were dually noted.  It is unfortunate that you chose to express these rooted concerns in this manner, but certain things come to light after multiple cocktails.

There certainly are clandestine reasons why I chose to spend my ever precious free time with you over the past few weeks.  You have a lot to offer an individual, but with in time.  As a friend, and someone who sincerely cares for your well being, I would suggest cultivating yourself before you embark on developing any type of future relationship/friendship.  We have all been in your situation before.  You are showing healthy strides in moving on, hence the time you spent with me, but the void that is left from Chris is not something another man or thing will be able to fill.  This void can only be filled with you; technically your mind, body, and soul.  The soul is too many times neglected, and is an integral part of a well rounded, happy and stable, individual.  Once a person is well rounded in these areas they will be able to love and receive love from another.  For example, I do not tout myself as the perfect Christian, but I went to church yesterday and was filled with a tranquility and confidence that I can only get at one place.  This works for me, you might have a different path (I have attached one of my favorite poems that I think brings this eloquently to light).

Surround yourself with the people who truly love you (I am a fan of your father via our conversations).  Be cautious of people who are out to use and manipulate you.  Your judgment should be able to prevail in these matters.  Also, remember that life is not a sprint, all things will work out in due time.

I wish you success and happiness.  Go get what you deserve.

(Attached: Frost’s “A Road Not Taken”)