Feelings

June 23, 2009

After 3 dates:

hey pam,

it was certainly my pleasure. it’s been really great getting to know you the last couple weeks. but i have a feeling that i’m going to have to pass on a future hang-out session. i’m sorry, i don’t have a particularly logical reason, just a feeling.

hope you’re feeling better,
jim

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Backstory:  “Heidi” had been seeing “Spencer” off and on for the past year and a half.   One night they got into a huge fight and broke up. To scare Heidi, Spencer lied and told her that he had HIV. Heidi freaked out and made an appointment to get tested right away, but that night she couldn’t sleep at all.  To make matters worse, Spencer and Heidi work together. The next day, they had the following gchat at the office…

9:03:37 AM Spencer: DUDE YOU LEFT SOME GNARLY MESSAGES

9:03:39 AM Spencer: LOL

9:03:42 AM Spencer: ITS ALL GOOD

9:03:47 AM Spencer: I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

9:07:07 AM Heidi: what part of dont talk to me dont you understand

9:07:19 AM Spencer: HAHAHA PAY BACKS A MOTHER

9:07:22 AM Spencer: NYAH

9:07:28 AM Spencer: I OWN U SHAWTY

9:07:42 AM Heidi: pay backs grow up your not a chils remember

9:07:49 AM Spencer: YOUR BROKE

9:07:56 AM Heidi: own you dont own nothing

9:07:58 AM Spencer: AND WILL STAY THAT WAY UNLESS YOU COME CORRECT

9:08:30 AM Heidi: unless i come correct ? whats that spose to mean WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME HONESTLY

9:09:06 AM Spencer: NADA

9:09:18 AM Spencer:  ACT LIKE A CHILD AND RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

9:09:24 AM Spencer:  DONT CALL ME WITH BS

9:09:28 AM Spencer:  DONT MAKE JOKES

9:09:32 AM Spencer:  ACT RIGHT OR GET LOST

9:09:43 AM Heidi: act right where was i in the wrong

9:12:16 AM Heidi: you were wrong last not not me and you owe me an apology you have to give respect to get it spence

9:13:03 AM Spencer: HELL NAW I DONT

9:13:14 AM Spencer:  I TOOK YOU IN CUZ YOU WHERE YOUNG DUMB AND CLUELESS

9:13:18 AM Spencer:  I GAVE YOU TOOLS

9:13:44 AM :: Spencer is away ::

9:16:50 AM Heidi: you gave me NOTHING spence and you didnt take me in

9:18:44 AM Heidi: the only thing you showed me is how hateful people and really be no matter how much you do for them and how good there are to you i was always there for you and i never judged you and you true colors now show you are un gratful cold person who will never be happy and im sorry i hope for nothing but the best for you have a great life

9:30:17 AM :: Spencer is available ::

9:30:40 AM Spencer: umkay children

9:30:47 AM Spencer: thank you for your dissertation

9:30:56 AM Spencer: glad you learned something in college

Yeah, it keeps going. And it gets much, much worse. Read the rest of this entry »

Backstory: “Dawson” and “Joey” met at an airport and hit it off right away. But Joey didn’t want things to get too serious, since she was already planning on moving to a different city. But after she moved away, their relationship progressed quickly, and Dawson and Joey spent hours each day texting and talking on the phone. Eight months passed, and Joey thought things were going smoothly. But on Dawson’s birthday, when she tried to call him several times and got no response, Joey knew something was wrong. A few days later, she received the following text:

I just wanted to tell you that I am seeing someone here. Don’t know why cz I still love you.

They argued over the phone and via text message for a few days. Eventually, Joey gave up and sent Dawson the following email:

Dawson,

You know what… I thought about our situation last night…

I always told you that you can keep your options open, and always knew that you did. So you found someone you like and started seeing her. Totally understandable.

Whatever you did might have been right, but how you did it was wrong. I didn’t deserve this treatment. You could at least have kept me posted. But of course you were too busy with your new life. So you ignored me, ignored my calls, messages, gave me crap about you loving me and wanting to talk to me etc and switched your phone off that evening.

This has negated everything you said to me before. You never loved me, and I am glad I didn’t get into any relationship with you. But yes, thanks for educating me that life is not always a fairytale and I need to learn to deal with real people (like you). You have hurt me Dawson (and of course it doesn’t matter now).

You were right… I am way out of your league. I don’t think you deserve to be with me.

So Mr. Leary… You are officially out of my life. Enjoy!

Joey

Remember 1-Date Blake? The sometimes “enigmatic jerk” with the “luxery set” of kisses? Well, even if you don’t, the recipient of his email sure does. So she was more than a little surprised to have the following online conversation with him a few months after she “blew it:”

1DateBlake:Hii hello
Melissa0205:hi
LuxeryBlake:How are you?
Melissa0205:good you?
1DateBlake:doing fine, being a monkey at workw
1DateBlake:What’s news in your world?
Melissa0205:I’m thinking you don’t remember that we’ve already
met. I actually have a great email from you: Hmm, well that’s all well
and disappointing. Oh well, nothing I can do about chemistry.
Apparently I thought it was there, I should have tapped more into my
enigmatic jerk side, that one usually works more in my favor. Live and
learn. It was fun. And my kisses are pretty great. That one was the
most basic I have. You should see the luxery set. You blew it. [:-l
Blake
Melissa0205:haha, i’m not trying to be an ass, it just seems
super funny to me
Melissa0205:haha 🙂
1DateBlake:ohhhhhhhh hyeaaah
Melissa0205:hahahahahaha
1DateBlake:forgetful forgetful me
Melissa0205:i’m laughing out loud
1DateBlake:heheh, it is pretty fun
1DateBlake:the mind remembers what the mind wants.
Melissa0205:fantastically awkard/funny
Melissa0205:nice
Melissa0205:haha
1DateBlake:If I cared more, i would be blushing right now 🙂
Melissa0205:of course you wouldn’t care, “I blew it” 🙂
Melissa0205:bye blake 🙂
1DateBlake:byeeeeee

One of our female readers received this email from a potential suitor on Match.com. So it isn’t really a break up email. In fact, it’s sort of the opposite. But we’re going to post it anyway. Why? Because it is a great example of what NOT to do, whether you’re a man or a woman. So cut us some slack and enjoy. And if you use a dating website, please, take notes. We’ll help you out along the way.

Hi,

One date guarantee: After one date if you are not totally satisfied with me as a perspective partner, you can return me to the pool of Match.com guys AT NO CHARGE!! 🙂 JBD Lesson 1: Emoticons are not masculine, unless they are used ironically. And even then… No annoying phone calls to make, no forms to fill out, no texts to make!!! JBD Lesson 2: Unless you are under age 14, please use exclamation points sparingly. You should not exceed a maximum of 4 per email, with no more than 2 used in succession.

I hope my opening made you laugh, sometimes its hard to get noticed on Match, I am sure you get more emails than you can handle in a day. Some of my female friends tell me I should offer a “no A-Hole guarantee” from some of the stories they tell, I think I should change my opening line..LOL!! JBD Lesson 3: No “LOLs.” None. Not ever.

Since I haven’t been meeting the right people I decided to try something different. Most of my friends are no help, they seem to be rarely around due to being on the “couples circuit”, LOL!!! JBD Lesson 4: See Lessons 2 and 3. Also, don’t hint that single people are pathetic. The girl you’re emailing is single too, remember? I am just looking for someone to hang out with, go to dinner with or explore the city with.

Sorry to ramble, I have to cut this short, my lunch is burning….chicken in an Herb white wine marinade….yum… JBD Lesson 5: Just say that you like to cook. Don’t play games with us. We might be hungry and now you’re just making us mad.

So I have to ask, did you get your red hair from your mom or dad…or bottle but I shouldn’t ask that 🙂 LOL!!! JBD Lesson 6: You have effectively just asked if the carpet matches the drapes. Following that with an emoticon, an “LOL” and 857 exclamation points does not make this okay.

TTYL!!! 🙂 JBD Lesson 7: Sigh.

Yeah, yeah, we know. It’s been a while since our last post. We blame spring time. You know, the temperatures are rising, love is in the air, and it’s so much easier to make out on the street when you’re not wearing a parka. But no more! We at JustBeenDumped refuse to let a little thing like other people’s happiness get in the way of your amusement! We’ve searched the Internet and found a whole new batch of break up emails that are better than ever. And remember, you can always submit your own Email From The Morning After by sending it to justbeendumpedblog@gmail.com. It’s easy, anonymous, and virtually pain-free. Which is a lot better than most things you get the morning after.

Backstory: Maria and Tony had been dating for about 6 months when Maria started to feel like something was wrong. Tony stopped returning Maria’s phone calls and ignoring her emails. So Maria sought out Tony where she knew he could not hide — on Myspace.

Tony,

Hey what’s up with you? Are you dumping me or what? It might be nice if you actually tried to let me know?

Maria

Three days later…

maria,

sorry i just been haveing some untainted meditation… just been haveing doubts in our relationship and i been needing some time to reflect and as you read you are prob. thinking that i should have let u know bout my meditation……but i didnt i just dont know if i do want to be with you

tony

Eight hours later…

tony,

thats all i wanted to know. but the fact that you can’t have the balls to say it to my face is what bothers me. im always straight up with you. whatever i wont bother you anymore. i wont call you or message you or anything. but i NEED to know if this is the end so i can move on with my life. its your choice. i tried and i tried. in your meditation ask your self if you did.

maria

Two days later…

maria,

when is you gonna get it through yo head…this has nothing to do with balls…at first i didnt want to talk to you ..then i was like man do i want to be with her..now i wake and think that i really dont so yeah i guess this makes it official. sorry it had to end like this but it just had to.
um…but yeah hope we could still be cool

tony

A close relative of the email break up is the text message break up.  These little tokens of non-appreciation, often occuring between the hours of 1 and 4am,  are the prime choice of break up by the type of person we like to call “the low life.”  Email is impersonal enough, but text is downright cowardly. (We once got a text using “drinx” instead of “drinks.” Seriously. It was embarrassing for everyone involved.) But, after the initial shock and awe of a break up over text, once that wtf moment wears off, the realization that you were actually broken up with via text can become sort of amusing.  So why not memorialize them as we do here with emails, in a manner that pokes fun at the sender?

Well, that’s just what the creator of a new blog, Text From The Ex, has done. Instead of merely posting text messages, however, she takes it one step further and actually embroiders them, photographs her artwork, and displays it for all the world to see.

For example, here’s the text message that started it all:

img_0964

And here’s our personal favorite, sent by an ex-boyfriend:

img_20211

If you’ve ever been the recipient of a text message break-up, you can send it in to the site to see it displayed via cross-stitch. Now if only we had thought of that…or knew how to sew.

If you thought cyberspace just wasn’t permanent enough for your failed relationships, here’s the museum version of JustBeenDumped. Kind of like the Smithsonian of break-ups, a place where you can walk the halls of the dumped, the jilted and the rejected. It’s called the Museum of Broken Relationships, and it’s an exercise in memorializing and moving on from what its curators call “emotional collapse”.  Located in Croatia, exhibits now on display include everything from romantic letters to a leg prosthesis donated by a war veteran who fell in love with his physiotherapist.

Here’s a highlight from one of the exhibits, called simply the innocuous “I Love You” Teddy Bear:

200803030702290medonja
2002
Zagreb

„I love you“ – WHAT A LIE! LIES, DAMN LIES! Yes, it’s like that when you are young, naïve and in love. And you don’t realize your boyfriend started dating you just because he wanted to take you to bed! I got this teddy bear for Valentine’s. He survived on top of a wardrobe in a plastic bag. Only because it wasn’t him who hurt me, but the idiot who left him behind.

We at JustBeenDumped were not surprised to hear that the museum has enjoyed much success since its first display. In fact, it’s gotten so popular that now it’s soliciting artifacts from the general public for exhibition. According to the museum founders, Olinka Vištica and Drazen Grubišić, it “offers every individual the chance to overcome the emotional collapse through creation, by contributing to the holdings of the Museum. The individual gets rid of controversial objects, triggers of momentarily undesirable emotions, by turning them into museum exhibits.”

After you register, you can add your own virtual exhibit, including letters, gifts, or a selection of pics from the standard photobooth gallery of you and your ex. Or, if you have a shrine more than a shoe box full of sentimental artifacts, you can host your own exhibit–and get this, the museum will provide publicity to market the project. So, forget the self help books and your scratched “Bridget Jones” DVDs, and let the Museum of Broken Relationships help you put your past behind you.

Backstory: “Audrina” and “Justin Bobby” had been dating for a while, but after Audrina’s mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, their relationship began to sour. Justin Bobby started to resent how much time Audrina was spending with her family. He would get angry at Audrina for not being able to keep up with him while riding dirt-bikes, one of his favorite pasttimes. Eventually, he stopped calling her. After two weeks, Audrina called him to schedule a time for her to pick up some stuff she left at his apartment. The day after she gathered her things, Audrina received this email:

Hansens..+, Glasses..+, Recliner..+, Favorite font and hit “Bold”..+
…………deep breath, and type……………

I think one of the problems with guys is we don’t talk when things bother us; Me for sure. I’d opt to be silent for a week or two until it went away. Girls talk right away.

Your home situation (I realize not your fault) was wearing thin. Curfew was good when I/we were 14. But after a brief period of being spoiled with sleep-overs and coffee/tea in the morning it was difficult, at best, to go back to Jr. High.

Last few times you came over I was a bit mad knowing you had to go soon. Now evident to both of us, as I look back on the less-than-Byron-like goodbyes.

When I think about it, I’m not sure talking about it would have helped. It sucked and that was the way it was.

The last time we went riding, I realized that was the last time we were going riding. Both for your physical health, and my mental health. It is definitely not your game. But I was content to let you limp along out there, time after time, and swallow my frustration with the lack of progress, until the shoulder crash.

It could have been worse, what would happen next time?

I would have called, eventually, probably by now. Just needed a little time…….That’s just the way I’m wired. I got all the text’s and e-mails, I just wasn’t ready yet.

Then I got the message asking for a good day for you to pick-up your stuff. That irritated me and I called immediately after receiving that message. Told you a good day to get your stuff. Then you through the “So that’s it, you don’t want to talk about it” at me. “I didn’t want to talk yet, that’s why I haven’t called you” I thought to myself. I think I just told you “No.”

I guess that’s about it, damn you sure did have a lot of stuff over here………look at all the room, it echos in here………

“She Bit Me!”

January 8, 2009

Backstory: After many dateless months, Bobby finally met Whitney.  The two met at a NYC bar and immediately hit it off. Soon, Bobby mustered up the courage to ask Whitney out on a formal date.  He consulted all his friends on the best restaurant and where to go for after dinner drinks.  Once he settled on both venues, Bobby actually walked the distance from the restaurant to the bar to make sure it wouldn’t be too far for Whitney to walk.  His best friend, eager to find out how the date went, found this email from Bobby the next morning:

date: Friday, Jan 27, 2007 at 10:20 AM
subject: last night

WAS SOOO BAD!!!!!!! SHE BIT ME!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! I’LL
CALL YOU IN THE MORNING!!! YOU CAN KEEP YOUR DATING!!!! I’M DONE!!!!