From Carolyn Hax’s advice column in the Washington Post:  

On the merits — yes, merits — of breaking up via e-mail:

Allow me to endorse e-mail breakups, for the reason that they offer more privacy to the person being — how shall I say? — dumped. I’ve been on both sides and I would have appreciated the opportunity not to show my misery to the cause of my misery. I also felt intrusive when I was on the other side, watching someone else lose his composure when he got news he would rather not have heard.

However, an e-mail breakup should always come with an OFFER of a face-to-face meeting if he or she who was dumped wants one, and the offer to answer questions by the medium of the victim’s choice. More dignity all around, I think.

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Backstory:  “Heidi” had been seeing “Spencer” off and on for the past year and a half.   One night they got into a huge fight and broke up. To scare Heidi, Spencer lied and told her that he had HIV. Heidi freaked out and made an appointment to get tested right away, but that night she couldn’t sleep at all.  To make matters worse, Spencer and Heidi work together. The next day, they had the following gchat at the office…

9:03:37 AM Spencer: DUDE YOU LEFT SOME GNARLY MESSAGES

9:03:39 AM Spencer: LOL

9:03:42 AM Spencer: ITS ALL GOOD

9:03:47 AM Spencer: I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

9:07:07 AM Heidi: what part of dont talk to me dont you understand

9:07:19 AM Spencer: HAHAHA PAY BACKS A MOTHER

9:07:22 AM Spencer: NYAH

9:07:28 AM Spencer: I OWN U SHAWTY

9:07:42 AM Heidi: pay backs grow up your not a chils remember

9:07:49 AM Spencer: YOUR BROKE

9:07:56 AM Heidi: own you dont own nothing

9:07:58 AM Spencer: AND WILL STAY THAT WAY UNLESS YOU COME CORRECT

9:08:30 AM Heidi: unless i come correct ? whats that spose to mean WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME HONESTLY

9:09:06 AM Spencer: NADA

9:09:18 AM Spencer:  ACT LIKE A CHILD AND RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

9:09:24 AM Spencer:  DONT CALL ME WITH BS

9:09:28 AM Spencer:  DONT MAKE JOKES

9:09:32 AM Spencer:  ACT RIGHT OR GET LOST

9:09:43 AM Heidi: act right where was i in the wrong

9:12:16 AM Heidi: you were wrong last not not me and you owe me an apology you have to give respect to get it spence

9:13:03 AM Spencer: HELL NAW I DONT

9:13:14 AM Spencer:  I TOOK YOU IN CUZ YOU WHERE YOUNG DUMB AND CLUELESS

9:13:18 AM Spencer:  I GAVE YOU TOOLS

9:13:44 AM :: Spencer is away ::

9:16:50 AM Heidi: you gave me NOTHING spence and you didnt take me in

9:18:44 AM Heidi: the only thing you showed me is how hateful people and really be no matter how much you do for them and how good there are to you i was always there for you and i never judged you and you true colors now show you are un gratful cold person who will never be happy and im sorry i hope for nothing but the best for you have a great life

9:30:17 AM :: Spencer is available ::

9:30:40 AM Spencer: umkay children

9:30:47 AM Spencer: thank you for your dissertation

9:30:56 AM Spencer: glad you learned something in college

Yeah, it keeps going. And it gets much, much worse. Read the rest of this entry »

Backstory: “Dawson” and “Joey” met at an airport and hit it off right away. But Joey didn’t want things to get too serious, since she was already planning on moving to a different city. But after she moved away, their relationship progressed quickly, and Dawson and Joey spent hours each day texting and talking on the phone. Eight months passed, and Joey thought things were going smoothly. But on Dawson’s birthday, when she tried to call him several times and got no response, Joey knew something was wrong. A few days later, she received the following text:

I just wanted to tell you that I am seeing someone here. Don’t know why cz I still love you.

They argued over the phone and via text message for a few days. Eventually, Joey gave up and sent Dawson the following email:

Dawson,

You know what… I thought about our situation last night…

I always told you that you can keep your options open, and always knew that you did. So you found someone you like and started seeing her. Totally understandable.

Whatever you did might have been right, but how you did it was wrong. I didn’t deserve this treatment. You could at least have kept me posted. But of course you were too busy with your new life. So you ignored me, ignored my calls, messages, gave me crap about you loving me and wanting to talk to me etc and switched your phone off that evening.

This has negated everything you said to me before. You never loved me, and I am glad I didn’t get into any relationship with you. But yes, thanks for educating me that life is not always a fairytale and I need to learn to deal with real people (like you). You have hurt me Dawson (and of course it doesn’t matter now).

You were right… I am way out of your league. I don’t think you deserve to be with me.

So Mr. Leary… You are officially out of my life. Enjoy!

Joey

Yeah, yeah, we know. It’s been a while since our last post. We blame spring time. You know, the temperatures are rising, love is in the air, and it’s so much easier to make out on the street when you’re not wearing a parka. But no more! We at JustBeenDumped refuse to let a little thing like other people’s happiness get in the way of your amusement! We’ve searched the Internet and found a whole new batch of break up emails that are better than ever. And remember, you can always submit your own Email From The Morning After by sending it to justbeendumpedblog@gmail.com. It’s easy, anonymous, and virtually pain-free. Which is a lot better than most things you get the morning after.

Backstory: Maria and Tony had been dating for about 6 months when Maria started to feel like something was wrong. Tony stopped returning Maria’s phone calls and ignoring her emails. So Maria sought out Tony where she knew he could not hide — on Myspace.

Tony,

Hey what’s up with you? Are you dumping me or what? It might be nice if you actually tried to let me know?

Maria

Three days later…

maria,

sorry i just been haveing some untainted meditation… just been haveing doubts in our relationship and i been needing some time to reflect and as you read you are prob. thinking that i should have let u know bout my meditation……but i didnt i just dont know if i do want to be with you

tony

Eight hours later…

tony,

thats all i wanted to know. but the fact that you can’t have the balls to say it to my face is what bothers me. im always straight up with you. whatever i wont bother you anymore. i wont call you or message you or anything. but i NEED to know if this is the end so i can move on with my life. its your choice. i tried and i tried. in your meditation ask your self if you did.

maria

Two days later…

maria,

when is you gonna get it through yo head…this has nothing to do with balls…at first i didnt want to talk to you ..then i was like man do i want to be with her..now i wake and think that i really dont so yeah i guess this makes it official. sorry it had to end like this but it just had to.
um…but yeah hope we could still be cool

tony

A close relative of the email break up is the text message break up.  These little tokens of non-appreciation, often occuring between the hours of 1 and 4am,  are the prime choice of break up by the type of person we like to call “the low life.”  Email is impersonal enough, but text is downright cowardly. (We once got a text using “drinx” instead of “drinks.” Seriously. It was embarrassing for everyone involved.) But, after the initial shock and awe of a break up over text, once that wtf moment wears off, the realization that you were actually broken up with via text can become sort of amusing.  So why not memorialize them as we do here with emails, in a manner that pokes fun at the sender?

Well, that’s just what the creator of a new blog, Text From The Ex, has done. Instead of merely posting text messages, however, she takes it one step further and actually embroiders them, photographs her artwork, and displays it for all the world to see.

For example, here’s the text message that started it all:

img_0964

And here’s our personal favorite, sent by an ex-boyfriend:

img_20211

If you’ve ever been the recipient of a text message break-up, you can send it in to the site to see it displayed via cross-stitch. Now if only we had thought of that…or knew how to sew.

If you thought cyberspace just wasn’t permanent enough for your failed relationships, here’s the museum version of JustBeenDumped. Kind of like the Smithsonian of break-ups, a place where you can walk the halls of the dumped, the jilted and the rejected. It’s called the Museum of Broken Relationships, and it’s an exercise in memorializing and moving on from what its curators call “emotional collapse”.  Located in Croatia, exhibits now on display include everything from romantic letters to a leg prosthesis donated by a war veteran who fell in love with his physiotherapist.

Here’s a highlight from one of the exhibits, called simply the innocuous “I Love You” Teddy Bear:

200803030702290medonja
2002
Zagreb

„I love you“ – WHAT A LIE! LIES, DAMN LIES! Yes, it’s like that when you are young, naïve and in love. And you don’t realize your boyfriend started dating you just because he wanted to take you to bed! I got this teddy bear for Valentine’s. He survived on top of a wardrobe in a plastic bag. Only because it wasn’t him who hurt me, but the idiot who left him behind.

We at JustBeenDumped were not surprised to hear that the museum has enjoyed much success since its first display. In fact, it’s gotten so popular that now it’s soliciting artifacts from the general public for exhibition. According to the museum founders, Olinka Vištica and Drazen Grubišić, it “offers every individual the chance to overcome the emotional collapse through creation, by contributing to the holdings of the Museum. The individual gets rid of controversial objects, triggers of momentarily undesirable emotions, by turning them into museum exhibits.”

After you register, you can add your own virtual exhibit, including letters, gifts, or a selection of pics from the standard photobooth gallery of you and your ex. Or, if you have a shrine more than a shoe box full of sentimental artifacts, you can host your own exhibit–and get this, the museum will provide publicity to market the project. So, forget the self help books and your scratched “Bridget Jones” DVDs, and let the Museum of Broken Relationships help you put your past behind you.

Backstory: “Audrina” and “Justin Bobby” had been dating for a while, but after Audrina’s mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, their relationship began to sour. Justin Bobby started to resent how much time Audrina was spending with her family. He would get angry at Audrina for not being able to keep up with him while riding dirt-bikes, one of his favorite pasttimes. Eventually, he stopped calling her. After two weeks, Audrina called him to schedule a time for her to pick up some stuff she left at his apartment. The day after she gathered her things, Audrina received this email:

Hansens..+, Glasses..+, Recliner..+, Favorite font and hit “Bold”..+
…………deep breath, and type……………

I think one of the problems with guys is we don’t talk when things bother us; Me for sure. I’d opt to be silent for a week or two until it went away. Girls talk right away.

Your home situation (I realize not your fault) was wearing thin. Curfew was good when I/we were 14. But after a brief period of being spoiled with sleep-overs and coffee/tea in the morning it was difficult, at best, to go back to Jr. High.

Last few times you came over I was a bit mad knowing you had to go soon. Now evident to both of us, as I look back on the less-than-Byron-like goodbyes.

When I think about it, I’m not sure talking about it would have helped. It sucked and that was the way it was.

The last time we went riding, I realized that was the last time we were going riding. Both for your physical health, and my mental health. It is definitely not your game. But I was content to let you limp along out there, time after time, and swallow my frustration with the lack of progress, until the shoulder crash.

It could have been worse, what would happen next time?

I would have called, eventually, probably by now. Just needed a little time…….That’s just the way I’m wired. I got all the text’s and e-mails, I just wasn’t ready yet.

Then I got the message asking for a good day for you to pick-up your stuff. That irritated me and I called immediately after receiving that message. Told you a good day to get your stuff. Then you through the “So that’s it, you don’t want to talk about it” at me. “I didn’t want to talk yet, that’s why I haven’t called you” I thought to myself. I think I just told you “No.”

I guess that’s about it, damn you sure did have a lot of stuff over here………look at all the room, it echos in here………

“Man-Up”

January 7, 2009

Backstory: “Meredith” and “McDreamy” started dating while McDreamy was a medical student. School took up most of his time, so Meredith didn’t get to see him as much as she wanted. This was especially true during his final exams, when Meredith didn’t see McDreamy for two weeks. He finally came over to Meredith’s house the Sunday after his exams were over, and everything seemed great. On his way out, McDreamy told Meredith that he had signed up to do a surgery the next day, and he would call her after it was over. But Monday came and went without a phone call. Meredith called him on Tuesday, and he didn’t call back. She tried again on Wednesday, and didn’t hear back. After a week went by without hearing from him, Meredith sent the following email:

McDreamy,

So, you’ve disappeared. I assume it’s because you have lost interest and don’t have the balls to tell me. What makes this even more of a dick-move is your actions on Sunday. You told me about how your schedule would open up and you would have more time to get together. You also told me you would call me on Monday and tell me about your surgery and let me know what the rest of your week would be like. Why would you go into so much detail when really you weren’t planning to follow through on any of it? Why would you even bother coming to see me if you weren’t interested anymore. If you had any respect for me you would have told me prior to your round of tests/finals so that I wouldn’t have wasted anymore time on you. I sent you those texts and emails to show my support, they weren’t for my benefit. I still would like to know what happened, and I hope that you can man-up and tell me.

Meredith

Happy New Year from JustBeenDumped! Judging by the number of emails you sent in over our little holiday vay-cay, we’re going to have a busy 2009. Here’s one to get the year started off right:

Backstory: “Whitney” and “Jay” had been casually dating for a few months, and Whitney was very happy with the status of their relationship. But soon Whitney realized that Jay wanted something more substantial. When Whitney told Jay that she didn’t want to be in a serious relationship, Jay decided to call it quits altogether. Whitney attempted to salvage a friendship with Jay, but he wasn’t ready for that, as he explains in this email:

well i’ll tell you the most awkward thing for me, and that’s that i feel like you don’t care at all that we’re not dating. like i might as well have been your pizza deliver boy and said, “i’m sorry, but i can’t deliver your pizzas anymore.” and you’re like “well, it’s just pizza, i don’t give a shit.”

i know that, at least in part, you’ve been careful not to say certain things in the past because you haven’t wanted me to misinterpret them, or over-interpret them, or get the wrong idea. but you talk about your emotions so little that i feel like you have no emotional feelings for me at all–as a friend or otherwise. and i don’t want to be friends with someone who doesn’t have an emotional connection with me.

i find myself even wanting to make you mad, because at least then maybe you’d show some emotion. but i feel like nothing penetrates you. i’m very frustrated.

jay

Fate

December 22, 2008

Backstory: When “Brad” and “Angie” met, they had instant chemistry. Things got serious only after a few days, and Angie thought she found a true connection. Yet shortly thereafter, Brad told Angie that he had a live-in girlfriend of five years. In an attempt to end whatever they had at the time, Angie sent Brad this email:

brad,

the last two weeks of knowing you was great. i dnt regret knowing you, sharing and doing all the stuff. i was surprised how great our friendship turned out to be despite all our differences and limited time. i used to think that maybe when we are given a chance to be together you can realize that maybe we have a chance and that we really were brought together by fate to meet. i like you and all the possible things that we can be. but all my life i learned to think with my mind and not with my heart and i know the reality is. you love her too much and i cnt match that. i dnt think i can ever match what you and she have… and i respect that.

i wanted not to be friends with you because its hard being friends with someone you know you’ll have other feelings for. i just want to shield myself from the hurt that you can give me unintentionally. iv tried so long and hard to protect myself from this kind of hurt. i could have tried fighting for u, for us but we both know that is a worthless cause. so please understand. this is very hard for me too.. it is.

thank you for opening yourself up to me. for letting me know u and share things with u. for making me laugh and think that i am still capable of loving and be loved. i learned a lot from this.

i wish for you to be happy. maybe someday if fate is still at our side we can meet and be friends for real. ill miss you always.

– angie