“I have also tried very hard to avoid having ex sex with you because I love you too much”

After Katy dumped him, Russell was beside himself with regret over not having been a more manly boyfriend to her.  The breakup inspired him to do a bit of soul searching, which led him to type up this letter to Katy.  We assume he slept on it, woke up angry and hurriedly finished it, unedited, before pressing send.  His letter, quite impressively, appears to include all the post-breakup stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance…and then anger again.

Dear Katy,

I just finished reading the book men are from Mars and women are from Venus and I am writing this letter to you in order to express some thoughts and feelings. I get angry you are so unhappy with my personality quirks. It feels like nothing I do is enough to make you happy. I am trying to be more assertive and less clingy and needy with you. It saddens me that my lack of confidence ruined our relationship and that you are not happy with me. I really want you to be happy and I fear sometimes that I will push you away by being me, when all I want is to be by your side. I am most afraid that I am not good enough for you and that I can’t make you happy. I’m sorry I lacked the courage to express my feelings and didn’t listen to your warning when you told me you wanted me to be more assertive and less clingy and needy. I’ve always been afraid to take charge and everyone has told me this including yourself. You have given me on more than one occasion the talk about my potential and how I need to use it. The truth of the matter is that I am afraid of failing, I hate trying my best and the realizing my best wasn’t good enough.

I live with so much regret, but one of the biggest regrets is taking you for granted, believing you would be with me even if I refused to be assertive, clingy and needy. I am truly sorry for being such a jerk and opening my mouth without thinking. I am sorry for not being more assertive and being the man when you were scared and needed me to take charge. In hindsight, I should’ve listened to your fears, reassured you that everything will be fine and that you will do an excellent job.  Katy, I love you so very much, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I want you to be happy, I understand you want space to sort out your personal things. I guess I am guilty of not knowing what to do and hiding in my personal cave hoping. I know you told me in the beginning you have baggage and you are not “touchy feeling” person. I realise that you don’t want to be my girl friend and even when I am assertive and not clingy or needy there is a very slim chance you will take me back.

I have accepted this and I have also tried very hard to avoid having ex sex with you because I love you too much and seeing you makes me hurt all over. You used to call every night and recently you have stopped calling and texting after you got drunk the last time we were together and told me you wanted sex. I honestly think you don’t know what you want becasue one minute you say you want space then another you’re all ovr me looking for reasons to stay with me. I know this letter will never reach you and this is really more for me to finally get down on paper what I am feeling. I will always love you and I remember one thing I told you from a movie I once saw “I want you to be happy in life with or with out me, you deserve the best and I wish you well”. But evena s I write this letter and tears are flowing from my eyes I after I hit the send button and delete all the pictures I hold no rancor nor do I wish to see you again. All I wish is to bid you adieu ma belle.

J’t’ame, Russell

I miss your hands all over my body

Nicholas, an Ameican ex-pat, was living in Japan, where he met and began dating Alice, a Japanese woman. They dated for some time, but when Nicholas moved back to the States, he ended the relationship with Alice.  Alice, distraught over losing Nicholas, wrote him this letter.

N, To me, you seem to have started your new life already. I would understand if you think our relationship positively, but if you just dragg it out and stay this way, we both just get hurt. Obviously it is very annoying to you that I contact youand I really don’t want to bother you any more. If you think we’ve reached the limit in our relationshipor you want to give up on us, tell me honestly. Or is there any reasons you don’t make a obvious conclusion? Just tell me what you want. If you could give me a straight answer, I could move on and it would be less painful.
Alice

From Nick to Alice:
Alice,

I’m sorry but I think we have reached the limit of our relationship and we should break-up.
I really love you, and I will miss you a lot, I know, but i don’t see a future for us.
I’m sorry it took so long to say but I was really trying to think of another solution.
But i can’t think of one that won’t be painful for both of us eventually.
Please take care of yourself…
I think I will be ok so please don’t worry about me.
I know you will be ok. You are very strong in spirit and character.
I wish the very best for you…you deserve it.

Love always,

N

From Alice to Nick:

N, I am writing this to express my thanks for your love and the relationship over the past about two years. I talked to you about this last time on the phone, but let me once again.I never wanted to have an international relationship. I wanted to have a relationship with YOU, because I know that no matter whether we share a culture, a language or not, each person is an individual.And I think love is about PEOPLE and love, feelings, desire,understanding and happiness.I was with you for who you are and how you make me feel.Since I met you, I had learnt what it means to love a man as a woman.However, I also learnt that no matter how much people love each other, there are also cases of those who break up. I had a wonderful time with you.We laughed, cried, and talked endlessly until dawn together…The previous night, going to China, you touched my cheek and my hair gently and kissed me fondly in a bed. That was a beautiful moment that I had felt loved the mostand the joy just could not
be expressed in words.You left me with indelible precious memories.  The end of last month, you built a high wall that named”self-defense”. I knew at that point where our relationship goes.But I tried to overcome it.However, I couldn’t even get any closer unfortunately.I couldn’t see our future because I can see your love is different from my love.So I had assumed that this would eventually happen.You didn’t want to get hurt yourself by love, and you wantedto avoid that you are tired and you feel annoyed.To you, protecting yourself was more important than offering me a reassurance of our future so you reject me. But it is not your fault.I think I’m not such a person who deserves you.My love was selfless love. You felt that you sometimes upset me,but it was nothing to me because I can be even willing to give upmy life for you. No matter how much you hurt me, l was prepared to be with you and help you at all costs. I love you as much as that and you deserve it. Actually, I wanted
you to take me to New York and I wanted to meet your mother and your friends.To tell the truth, I’ve always dreamed of marrying with you and living together.But I’m so coward…so I didn’t have enough confidence to live in America.I’m sorry, I hurt you and didn’t make you happy.I wanted to try to get through our difficulties to see our future clearly and to be with you for the rest of my life.But I also know I’m too old to have a baby, I really want you to have a cute and healthy baby, so I think you should make a happy family with a young wife.It is tough to get past a breakup because I’m not so strong. I hope you use whatever gift you have received and your effort for your writing would be successful.I’ll be always on your side. Obliterate all of your memories of me and enjoy your life in Japan.Please be happier than your past with your new girl friend. Thanks for everything you have done for me. You were a very special person for me who added sparkle to my life. Good luck.  Alice

From Nick to Alice a week later:

Alice,

Rejected is a very strong word. I did not reject you. I had concerns about our future and I didn’t see any other way.

I didn’t know I would feel this way. You still turn me on. You are the sexiest woman I have ever been with and I miss being inside you. I miss the sounds you make when you come, when you have a vibrator and me inside you at the same time. I miss your skillful tongue all over my body, espicially my chest and my ass. I miss the taste of your pussy and your ass. I miss your hands all over my body. I get excited just thinking about it.

I still don’t see a future for us, but that doesn’t mean I can’t miss being with you. I know you are not my girlfriend anymore or my “fuck” friend. But to be completely honest I wish you were my “fuck” friend now because your body is calling me loud and clear. I know you want me as much as I want you.

I know this is not the way you want it. Maybe you want ALL or NOTHING. I understand if you do. And, if you want me to leave you alone completely I will. I just had to tell you how I feel.

N

From Alice to Nick:

are you busy next tuesday?

“I don’t believe i’m supposed to be a blowup doll either.”

“Jessica” and “Tony” started dating in high school, after Tony broke up with Jessica’s best friend. During their senior year, they started having problems, mostly because Tony didn’t want to stay with Jessica if they went to different schools. As their acceptance letters came trickling in, Jessica received several emails from Tony, which included the following inconsistent messages:

“… I think we should take a break. You see, i’ll be going to college and i think we can find more compatible people there for us. Besides, i think keeping a relationship is too difficult, since I’ll be at MIT…”

“…ok, well i didn’t get into MIT. But i did get into Cal Tech and Rice. And i think that you being in Austin and me being in Houston, possibly, is just too much work. And i really don’t want to do it…”

“…OK, so i’m going to the same school you’re going to. I’d love to make this work. I love you so much. We’re perfect together…”

Yet after all of his promises, Tony broke it off before they left for college. Here is Jessica’s reaction to the end of their relationship:

Dear Tony,

I understand why you feel that we had the perfect relationship. You were smart, funny, and understanding. Were is the key word here. Truthfully, you’re nothing more than an obnoxious pig. See, here’s what bothers, me. You tell me to change myself for you. Change what i say, what i do, even how i look. But the truth is, you have a tiny penis and you never gave me one orgasm. I guess your idea of solving this problem was that I should give you a blowjob before we have sex so you could be satisfied and therefore worry less about satisfaction. How considerate of you. I’m so glad i was with you. See, without you, I thought you were god. I thought you were so much smarter than me. Turns out, you’re only as smart because of everyone around you. I’ve never seen someone who took advantage of so many people around them. But it’s ok. They’re there for you, as I once was. You see, every now and then, I get a little tired of trying to help you and having you tell me that you’re just fine on your own. and then you screw up. and then i’m left to make you feel better about being the piece of shit that you really are. But it’s ok dear. I still love you. As much as you loved me. As much as you loved how i was able to change for you and how when you said Jump, i said “how high?”. I do believe i owe you something. I owe you a lot actually for making me stronger. See, when you told me that i wasn’t thin enough for you, then, i decided that you weren’t man enough for me. I tried to make you a better person, for your own good. you tried to make me your bimbo. Now, i know better than to take the word of someone who started this relationship “loving the fact that {you} could be whatever i wanted.” I don’t believe i’m supposed to be a blowup doll either. But that’s what sex between us was like. Silent and pervy. Silent because you were too busy thinking about your dick. Pervy because the only sounds you made were the heavy breathing sounds. Oh, and thanks for never warning me. I love you too. I’m so glad you had so much faith in our relationship the entire way there. I’m so glad you told me, two months in that you would always love my best friend and that she was so attractive to you. I’m so glad that you told me ten months later that you were only trying to be dramatic so you could cause a scene. Oh, And about tomorrow’s date… WHATEVER FUCKING FLOATS YOUR BOAT. oops. you told me not to say that didn’t you. Asshole.

LOVE ALWAYS,

Jessica

P.S. I fucked him and i liked it so much better than i liked fucking you.

“P.S. do not respond to this email — I simply don’t care what you have to say for the first time ever.”

Kate was helping Jon recuperate from surgery for a deviated septum when she found a text on his phone from another girl.  Scared that Jon may be cheating on her, Kate confronted Jon about the texts.   Jon reassured Kate that Hailey was just a friend, a nutritionist, in fact, who was giving him diet advice and dating his friend Tyler. But Kate was still skeptical.  A few nights later Jon had a dream that he should end things with Kate.  So, over IM the next day, he broke it off, telling Kate that things weren’t working out and that they should break up.  Surprised and confused, Kate accused Jon of cheating on her with Hailey the nutritionist, to which Jon responded: “Grow up, Kate.”

This is the email Kate wrote Jon after he had signed off:

Grow up? You say that and then sign off to avoid a conversation with me? That’s ironic.

I’m not accusing you of dating Hailey. Whether or not you spoke to Hailey or dated her is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that you lied to me, to my face on several occassions. I am so insulted that you couldn’t just tell me “Yeah, Hailey is a girl I’ve been talking to.” Instead you make up an elaborate lie about how she is Tyler’s girlfriend and asked you to lunch b/c she is a nutritionist and you want to start eating healthy. You really went out of your way there to hide something from me. I know for a fact Tyler doesn’t have a girlfriend, let alone a nutritionist. Why would you do that aside from to hide something from me?

One of the redeeming qualities you had while we were together and friends was your honesty. I always said that about you. I always said you were an honest person that I could trust. After all that we’ve been through you couldn’t even have the decency to give me the courtesy of the truth… More than hurt, I am angry that I almost believed you and humored your lie.

I guess it’s a blessing in disguise, because now, after everything I finally feel good and ready to move on, so thank you.

If I can thank you for anything these past 10 months I’d thank you for opening my eyes to what I really want and deserve in a man and a relationship.

P.S. do not respond to this email — I simply don’t care what you have to say for the first time ever.

Good luck with everything in the future and I wish you the most of health and happiness.

take care,

Kate

“We’ve all made a lot of mistakes while you were gone”

Amanda : Hi – can you just say you don’t wanna hang out anymore so I’m not confused

The following BBM conversation between “Luke” and “Amanda” was forwarded to JBD from a friend of a friend of a friend.  Since we can’t confirm its authenticity, we thought you’d be the judge.  Here’s the note “Luke” sent to his friend after a series of BBM exchanges with “Amanda”

Just so you know – I’ve only seen this girl once for a total of 8hrs,
including 3 that I was asleep. This convo was on BBM over a week and a half
– absolutely insane.

What do you think?

Amanda : Was last night weird
Luke : Weird? Just a little – your big sister is bff with my ex-gf
Amanda : No I mean us sleeping together
Amanda : I’m sorry though about the whole steph thing.  I now can imagine how that would be weird
Luke : I mean it was weird just cause the red eyes I took during the week
caught up to me and the fact we saw steph/chelsea who I associate with ex-gf
Amanda : I’m sorry.  Ill def remember that in the future..they’re some of my
good friends but no need to all hang out together
Luke : No worries
Amanda : K well have a good day at work
Amanda : And safe trip to boston and san fran
Luke : Thanks
Amanda : Ugh Thanks!  Talk to you later this week
Amanda : If not, that’s cool too
Luke : Well talk, have a good week at work
Amanda : If you don’t want to hang out, its cool
Luke : We’ll talk – just busy at work – and it’s awkward w/steph.
Amanda : Ok – I didn’t know you still had feelings for you exgf.   I’d
rather not be involved in all that
Luke : Alright, well we’ll talk when I get back from san fran
Amanda : I mean do you?
Luke : Sure
Amanda : Ok well I’m sure we’ll talk at some point.  Take care
Luke : We’ll talk – good luck with the new job this week
Amanda : And I didn’t realize it would be that weird for you
Amanda : Thanks – take care

“Plain and simple, it was wrong; it was sin.”

Handwriting an apology note to your jilted mistress? Good. Having the apology note scanned and sent around over the Internet? Not so good. Writing the note while you are the US Senator for Nevada? Priceless.

(via)

An Endorsement of Email Break Ups

From Carolyn Hax’s advice column in the Washington Post:  

On the merits — yes, merits — of breaking up via e-mail:

Allow me to endorse e-mail breakups, for the reason that they offer more privacy to the person being — how shall I say? — dumped. I’ve been on both sides and I would have appreciated the opportunity not to show my misery to the cause of my misery. I also felt intrusive when I was on the other side, watching someone else lose his composure when he got news he would rather not have heard.

However, an e-mail breakup should always come with an OFFER of a face-to-face meeting if he or she who was dumped wants one, and the offer to answer questions by the medium of the victim’s choice. More dignity all around, I think.

“I am still growing into the ever complexities of this society”

Nick and Vanessa had been dating for about three months, but they had known each other for about seven.  Even though there was an age gap, she was 18 and he was 24, everything seemed to be going great….or so Vanessa thought. A week after meeting his sister, and neighbors, Nick suddenly broke up with Vanessa. Actually, it gets worse…he broke up with her the day before PROM.  Vanessa was so hurt she left Nick’s house without waiting to hear the rest of his explanation. Later, she received this: 

Vanessa,

I wanted to finish saying what I started…you are truly a wonderful person. You have acheived much in your ever growing indepence, even without the loving support or consent of your family. I am happy to have met you and moved by your perseverance. I am wrong for not being up-front about things to begin with. I was (am) attracted to you and who you are, but failed in telling you the simple truth at the time. I have had some difficulties in my life over the years and I am still growing into the ever complexities of this society. Unfortunately, not you or anyone can be a part of my path, for the time being. School is my biggest priority and all its obstacles therein and I am faced with its mounting pressures every day. However, it has been wonderful getting to know you and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and accept what is. I am still learning to do just that; accepting what is. Please do not be a stranger, but I understand if you do not want to talk to me. I wish you only the best and happiness. Thank you for everything Vanessa and again, I am sincerely sorry.

-Nick-

You already had a full tank of love in your emotional bank account

Mark and Maria started off as friends. When they first met, they both knew they had made an instant connection and had found something very special. But, Mark and Maria lived in different cities. To keep in touch, they decided to exchange email addresses and despite the distance, their friendship grew stronger. Sometimes Maria would share with Mark the troubles she was having in her marriage. She had thoughts of leaving her husband, but Mark, a devoted Christian, told Maria to stick with it, especially for the sake of her two boys. Eventually, their feelings grew from friendship to romance. One day, Mark told Maria how he truly felt even though he knew it was what he called a “hopelessly impossible situation of love…” because, not only was Maria married, Mark was too.

Throwing caution to the wind, that summer, Mark flew to see Maria where they made love and took long walks on the beach. Mark wrote Maria “You have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses. … I love your tan lines … the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself)… in the faded glow of night’s light.”

But, there was a big problem. Mark was the Governor of South Carolina. And his wife had found out about his affair. He struggled to let his feelings for Maria go, but Mark couldn’t bear to be away from her. After telling his staff that he was going on a hike in the woods, Mark secretly flew to Argentina to be reunited with his love one last time.

Below are the emails between Mark and Maria upon realizing their love, in this life at least, was doomed. ( You can read more of the emails between these star-crossed lovers at TheState.com)

From: Mark Sanford

To: Maria

Subject: RE:

Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:24:54 -0400

Sweetest, It was indeed a long day. I am most jealous of your salad under the palm tree. Three thoughts in one note now that I have a moment. One the travel schedule is about to get real busy (and this distresses me for the way it may well make it more difficult to get your notes over the next few weeks), two unfortunately all the feelings you describe are mutual, and three where do we go from here?