“I don’t believe i’m supposed to be a blowup doll either.”

“Jessica” and “Tony” started dating in high school, after Tony broke up with Jessica’s best friend. During their senior year, they started having problems, mostly because Tony didn’t want to stay with Jessica if they went to different schools. As their acceptance letters came trickling in, Jessica received several emails from Tony, which included the following inconsistent messages:

“… I think we should take a break. You see, i’ll be going to college and i think we can find more compatible people there for us. Besides, i think keeping a relationship is too difficult, since I’ll be at MIT…”

“…ok, well i didn’t get into MIT. But i did get into Cal Tech and Rice. And i think that you being in Austin and me being in Houston, possibly, is just too much work. And i really don’t want to do it…”

“…OK, so i’m going to the same school you’re going to. I’d love to make this work. I love you so much. We’re perfect together…”

Yet after all of his promises, Tony broke it off before they left for college. Here is Jessica’s reaction to the end of their relationship:

Dear Tony,

I understand why you feel that we had the perfect relationship. You were smart, funny, and understanding. Were is the key word here. Truthfully, you’re nothing more than an obnoxious pig. See, here’s what bothers, me. You tell me to change myself for you. Change what i say, what i do, even how i look. But the truth is, you have a tiny penis and you never gave me one orgasm. I guess your idea of solving this problem was that I should give you a blowjob before we have sex so you could be satisfied and therefore worry less about satisfaction. How considerate of you. I’m so glad i was with you. See, without you, I thought you were god. I thought you were so much smarter than me. Turns out, you’re only as smart because of everyone around you. I’ve never seen someone who took advantage of so many people around them. But it’s ok. They’re there for you, as I once was. You see, every now and then, I get a little tired of trying to help you and having you tell me that you’re just fine on your own. and then you screw up. and then i’m left to make you feel better about being the piece of shit that you really are. But it’s ok dear. I still love you. As much as you loved me. As much as you loved how i was able to change for you and how when you said Jump, i said “how high?”. I do believe i owe you something. I owe you a lot actually for making me stronger. See, when you told me that i wasn’t thin enough for you, then, i decided that you weren’t man enough for me. I tried to make you a better person, for your own good. you tried to make me your bimbo. Now, i know better than to take the word of someone who started this relationship “loving the fact that {you} could be whatever i wanted.” I don’t believe i’m supposed to be a blowup doll either. But that’s what sex between us was like. Silent and pervy. Silent because you were too busy thinking about your dick. Pervy because the only sounds you made were the heavy breathing sounds. Oh, and thanks for never warning me. I love you too. I’m so glad you had so much faith in our relationship the entire way there. I’m so glad you told me, two months in that you would always love my best friend and that she was so attractive to you. I’m so glad that you told me ten months later that you were only trying to be dramatic so you could cause a scene. Oh, And about tomorrow’s date… WHATEVER FUCKING FLOATS YOUR BOAT. oops. you told me not to say that didn’t you. Asshole.

LOVE ALWAYS,

Jessica

P.S. I fucked him and i liked it so much better than i liked fucking you.

“P.S. do not respond to this email — I simply don’t care what you have to say for the first time ever.”

Kate was helping Jon recuperate from surgery for a deviated septum when she found a text on his phone from another girl.  Scared that Jon may be cheating on her, Kate confronted Jon about the texts.   Jon reassured Kate that Hailey was just a friend, a nutritionist, in fact, who was giving him diet advice and dating his friend Tyler. But Kate was still skeptical.  A few nights later Jon had a dream that he should end things with Kate.  So, over IM the next day, he broke it off, telling Kate that things weren’t working out and that they should break up.  Surprised and confused, Kate accused Jon of cheating on her with Hailey the nutritionist, to which Jon responded: “Grow up, Kate.”

This is the email Kate wrote Jon after he had signed off:

Grow up? You say that and then sign off to avoid a conversation with me? That’s ironic.

I’m not accusing you of dating Hailey. Whether or not you spoke to Hailey or dated her is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that you lied to me, to my face on several occassions. I am so insulted that you couldn’t just tell me “Yeah, Hailey is a girl I’ve been talking to.” Instead you make up an elaborate lie about how she is Tyler’s girlfriend and asked you to lunch b/c she is a nutritionist and you want to start eating healthy. You really went out of your way there to hide something from me. I know for a fact Tyler doesn’t have a girlfriend, let alone a nutritionist. Why would you do that aside from to hide something from me?

One of the redeeming qualities you had while we were together and friends was your honesty. I always said that about you. I always said you were an honest person that I could trust. After all that we’ve been through you couldn’t even have the decency to give me the courtesy of the truth… More than hurt, I am angry that I almost believed you and humored your lie.

I guess it’s a blessing in disguise, because now, after everything I finally feel good and ready to move on, so thank you.

If I can thank you for anything these past 10 months I’d thank you for opening my eyes to what I really want and deserve in a man and a relationship.

P.S. do not respond to this email — I simply don’t care what you have to say for the first time ever.

Good luck with everything in the future and I wish you the most of health and happiness.

take care,

Kate

“We’ve all made a lot of mistakes while you were gone”

Amanda : Hi – can you just say you don’t wanna hang out anymore so I’m not confused

The following BBM conversation between “Luke” and “Amanda” was forwarded to JBD from a friend of a friend of a friend.  Since we can’t confirm its authenticity, we thought you’d be the judge.  Here’s the note “Luke” sent to his friend after a series of BBM exchanges with “Amanda”

Just so you know – I’ve only seen this girl once for a total of 8hrs,
including 3 that I was asleep. This convo was on BBM over a week and a half
- absolutely insane.

What do you think?

Amanda : Was last night weird
Luke : Weird? Just a little – your big sister is bff with my ex-gf
Amanda : No I mean us sleeping together
Amanda : I’m sorry though about the whole steph thing.  I now can imagine how that would be weird
Luke : I mean it was weird just cause the red eyes I took during the week
caught up to me and the fact we saw steph/chelsea who I associate with ex-gf
Amanda : I’m sorry.  Ill def remember that in the future..they’re some of my
good friends but no need to all hang out together
Luke : No worries
Amanda : K well have a good day at work
Amanda : And safe trip to boston and san fran
Luke : Thanks
Amanda : Ugh Thanks!  Talk to you later this week
Amanda : If not, that’s cool too
Luke : Well talk, have a good week at work
Amanda : If you don’t want to hang out, its cool
Luke : We’ll talk – just busy at work – and it’s awkward w/steph.
Amanda : Ok – I didn’t know you still had feelings for you exgf.   I’d
rather not be involved in all that
Luke : Alright, well we’ll talk when I get back from san fran
Amanda : I mean do you?
Luke : Sure
Amanda : Ok well I’m sure we’ll talk at some point.  Take care
Luke : We’ll talk – good luck with the new job this week
Amanda : And I didn’t realize it would be that weird for you
Amanda : Thanks – take care

“Plain and simple, it was wrong; it was sin.”

Handwriting an apology note to your jilted mistress? Good. Having the apology note scanned and sent around over the Internet? Not so good. Writing the note while you are the US Senator for Nevada? Priceless.

(via)

An Endorsement of Email Break Ups

From Carolyn Hax’s advice column in the Washington Post:  

On the merits — yes, merits — of breaking up via e-mail:

Allow me to endorse e-mail breakups, for the reason that they offer more privacy to the person being — how shall I say? — dumped. I’ve been on both sides and I would have appreciated the opportunity not to show my misery to the cause of my misery. I also felt intrusive when I was on the other side, watching someone else lose his composure when he got news he would rather not have heard.

However, an e-mail breakup should always come with an OFFER of a face-to-face meeting if he or she who was dumped wants one, and the offer to answer questions by the medium of the victim’s choice. More dignity all around, I think.

“I am still growing into the ever complexities of this society”

Nick and Vanessa had been dating for about three months, but they had known each other for about seven.  Even though there was an age gap, she was 18 and he was 24, everything seemed to be going great….or so Vanessa thought. A week after meeting his sister, and neighbors, Nick suddenly broke up with Vanessa. Actually, it gets worse…he broke up with her the day before PROM.  Vanessa was so hurt she left Nick’s house without waiting to hear the rest of his explanation. Later, she received this: 

Vanessa,

I wanted to finish saying what I started…you are truly a wonderful person. You have acheived much in your ever growing indepence, even without the loving support or consent of your family. I am happy to have met you and moved by your perseverance. I am wrong for not being up-front about things to begin with. I was (am) attracted to you and who you are, but failed in telling you the simple truth at the time. I have had some difficulties in my life over the years and I am still growing into the ever complexities of this society. Unfortunately, not you or anyone can be a part of my path, for the time being. School is my biggest priority and all its obstacles therein and I am faced with its mounting pressures every day. However, it has been wonderful getting to know you and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and accept what is. I am still learning to do just that; accepting what is. Please do not be a stranger, but I understand if you do not want to talk to me. I wish you only the best and happiness. Thank you for everything Vanessa and again, I am sincerely sorry.

-Nick-

You already had a full tank of love in your emotional bank account

Mark and Maria started off as friends. When they first met, they both knew they had made an instant connection and had found something very special. But, Mark and Maria lived in different cities. To keep in touch, they decided to exchange email addresses and despite the distance, their friendship grew stronger. Sometimes Maria would share with Mark the troubles she was having in her marriage. She had thoughts of leaving her husband, but Mark, a devoted Christian, told Maria to stick with it, especially for the sake of her two boys. Eventually, their feelings grew from friendship to romance. One day, Mark told Maria how he truly felt even though he knew it was what he called a “hopelessly impossible situation of love…” because, not only was Maria married, Mark was too.

Throwing caution to the wind, that summer, Mark flew to see Maria where they made love and took long walks on the beach. Mark wrote Maria “You have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses. … I love your tan lines … the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself)… in the faded glow of night’s light.”

But, there was a big problem. Mark was the Governor of South Carolina. And his wife had found out about his affair. He struggled to let his feelings for Maria go, but Mark couldn’t bear to be away from her. After telling his staff that he was going on a hike in the woods, Mark secretly flew to Argentina to be reunited with his love one last time.

Below are the emails between Mark and Maria upon realizing their love, in this life at least, was doomed. ( You can read more of the emails between these star-crossed lovers at TheState.com)

From: Mark Sanford

To: Maria

Subject: RE:

Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:24:54 -0400

Sweetest, It was indeed a long day. I am most jealous of your salad under the palm tree. Three thoughts in one note now that I have a moment. One the travel schedule is about to get real busy (and this distresses me for the way it may well make it more difficult to get your notes over the next few weeks), two unfortunately all the feelings you describe are mutual, and three where do we go from here?

Feelings

After 3 dates:

hey pam,

it was certainly my pleasure. it’s been really great getting to know you the last couple weeks. but i have a feeling that i’m going to have to pass on a future hang-out session. i’m sorry, i don’t have a particularly logical reason, just a feeling.

hope you’re feeling better,
jim

“Whatever, your so full of shit your eyes are brown”

Backstory:  ”Heidi” had been seeing ”Spencer” off and on for the past year and a half.   One night they got into a huge fight and broke up. To scare Heidi, Spencer lied and told her that he had HIV. Heidi freaked out and made an appointment to get tested right away, but that night she couldn’t sleep at all.  To make matters worse, Spencer and Heidi work together. The next day, they had the following gchat at the office…

9:03:37 AM Spencer: DUDE YOU LEFT SOME GNARLY MESSAGES

9:03:39 AM Spencer: LOL

9:03:42 AM Spencer: ITS ALL GOOD

9:03:47 AM Spencer: I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY

9:07:07 AM Heidi: what part of dont talk to me dont you understand

9:07:19 AM Spencer: HAHAHA PAY BACKS A MOTHER

9:07:22 AM Spencer: NYAH

9:07:28 AM Spencer: I OWN U SHAWTY

9:07:42 AM Heidi: pay backs grow up your not a chils remember

9:07:49 AM Spencer: YOUR BROKE

9:07:56 AM Heidi: own you dont own nothing

9:07:58 AM Spencer: AND WILL STAY THAT WAY UNLESS YOU COME CORRECT

9:08:30 AM Heidi: unless i come correct ? whats that spose to mean WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME HONESTLY

9:09:06 AM Spencer: NADA

9:09:18 AM Spencer:  ACT LIKE A CHILD AND RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

9:09:24 AM Spencer:  DONT CALL ME WITH BS

9:09:28 AM Spencer:  DONT MAKE JOKES

9:09:32 AM Spencer:  ACT RIGHT OR GET LOST

9:09:43 AM Heidi: act right where was i in the wrong

9:12:16 AM Heidi: you were wrong last not not me and you owe me an apology you have to give respect to get it spence

9:13:03 AM Spencer: HELL NAW I DONT

9:13:14 AM Spencer:  I TOOK YOU IN CUZ YOU WHERE YOUNG DUMB AND CLUELESS

9:13:18 AM Spencer:  I GAVE YOU TOOLS

9:13:44 AM :: Spencer is away ::

9:16:50 AM Heidi: you gave me NOTHING spence and you didnt take me in

9:18:44 AM Heidi: the only thing you showed me is how hateful people and really be no matter how much you do for them and how good there are to you i was always there for you and i never judged you and you true colors now show you are un gratful cold person who will never be happy and im sorry i hope for nothing but the best for you have a great life

9:30:17 AM :: Spencer is available ::

9:30:40 AM Spencer: umkay children

9:30:47 AM Spencer: thank you for your dissertation

9:30:56 AM Spencer: glad you learned something in college

Yeah, it keeps going. And it gets much, much worse.